Health and Accountability

Health and Accountability

It is tough to struggle with weight and staying healthy, especially now when my state is under stay-at-home orders until June. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life; even when I eat healthy and exercise I have problems with my weight. I have even had ignorant doctors say if I would only exercise I would not have problems. To that I usually think, I work out 6 days a week; how dare you assume I am not doing anything. After years of struggle a doctor actually listened and did some tests. Turns out I have a diagnosable condition that means that even with healthy habits I am going to be carrying more weight than the average person.

Realizing that no matter how hard I try, I will always struggle is so depressing. The American culture is one that pushes the idea that you must be thin to be beautiful and healthy. Don’t let the “woke” people fool you, most of society will look at you, judge, and assume you are lazy….sadly even doctors who should know better. In that depression I will sometimes slip into unhealthy behaviors because it is hard to try and feel like one is always failing.

Since the beginning of the stay at home order things have become harder. I usually swim for my exercise and have tried to learn to be happy with at least not gaining more weight. To think of things in terms of weight not gained instead of weight lost. But swimming is not an option right now, and since I am not moving around an office building I am taking less steps during the work day. So surprise, I have started to see the weight creep up in the last couple months. I already hate how I look and something has to change.

One thing I have always hated is food logging since I believe it leads to disordered eating for me. There is some science behind this phenomenon but it is different for everyone. Some people thrive with that kind of accountability but I have not had success in the past. So what kind of accountability will work for me? Do I need to log my workouts? Do I log my weight? Do I join a support group?

I don’t know the answers to any of these questions for myself, but the key to becoming more healthy is accountability of some sort. I also don’t really expect answers from the void, that is the internet. But maybe writing about my struggle will help me see the issue in a different light and help me find the answers I need. If along the way others who may feel alone can be helped by knowing they are not alone, that is a benefit too.

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